Live with Miss Kristina

I'm engaged!

2010-12-10T15:10:00.000-08:00

It's been a week now and I feel like I'm still spinning. He asked me on Friday the 3rd. It was so sweet. Then this week I got to announce it in all my classes. It all feels a little "BYU-Ido", but for this hopeless romantic it's been perfect.

One more week and we'll have to part ways. I already know I'm going to miss him like crazy. We'll both be very busy though. Hopefully the time won't drag on.

We will be getting married during the second week in August at the Portland Oregon temple with our reception back in Eugene. We'll slowly be planning our wedding over the next eight months.

I'm very happy and very excited and very in love. It's still a bit surreal. I can hardly believe this is happening. :) Chris is everything I've wanted in a husband. It turns out that maybe what the Bishop has been telling us all these years is true; "you marry who you date".

Starting Over - Day 1

2010-07-31T01:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight I've had a severe wake up call. Now is my only time to change myself and to prevent future problems with my diabetes. How privleged am I to be given second, third, even
fourth chances at this one task- have the self discipline to poke my finger, calculate insulin amounts, change IV-like sets, and take care of my body every day of my life.

Today my numbers were:

- 214

Daily Average: 214

Twenty years of diabetes means I won't get very many more chances to fix this. Its now or never Kristina. What things are more important in this life than to live a healthily? I can think of only one or two. I can update my blog from my phone.

So today I'm beginning again. This time I can't give up.

Day 13

2010-07-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

7/21

Today I was having problems with my set so my numbers stayed in the 200s for most of the day. I changed my set and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

- 284
- 401
- 263
- 248

Daily Average: 299

Day 12

2010-07-22T11:01:00.000-07:00

7/20

Alrighty.
-222
-398
- 217

Daily Average: 279

Day 8, 9, 10, and 11

2010-07-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

I've not done so well these past few days. I've only been testing a little bit, and I didn't write it down. I'm pretty sure Sunday, Day 10, I didn't test at all... I'm not going to put up the numbers. I'm just going to start again.

My new pump came on Day 8 like the guy on the phone said it would and that was very nice. Its exactly the same as my previous pump. It looks new, but that's about it. :) I shipped the broken pump yesterday afternoon so hopefully that will be all worked out. I might call a little later this week just to make sure they got the package.

It's almost time to go home. Saturday. I'm still working out the last of my finals. It's a little frustrating, but it's getting there.

Thanks for your support, everyone. :)

Day 7

2010-07-15T21:43:00.000-07:00

Today has been quite the day!

First the numbers:

- 90
- 276
- 101
- 306
- 179

Daily Average: 170!!!!!!!!! I get a pink tab today!! :D

So this morning I went to have insulin for my breakfast like a good little girl and to my surprise nothing happened when I pressed the buttons on my pump. The battery was full of life, the reservoir was full. To me nothing looked wrong. "Well I'll take out the battery anyway just in case" thought I. Nothing happened. The buttons still wouldn't work. I decided I should call the manufacturer. But first I had to go to the bookstore. I got what I needed and was leaving the check out when... "beep beep beep". I grabbed my pump out of my pocket and to my surprise there was a button error. Button errors happen when you hold down one of the five buttons for more than three minutes. I wasn't pressing any buttons! Time to call Minimed. I was put on hold for maybe two minutes and by this time my pump was doing the "car alarm". This is an alarm that goes off when I don't respond to one of the other alarms. Generally it happens if I haven't done anything with the pump for more than twelve hours. It sounds like a car alarm. Without the use of my buttons there was no way for me to turn it off. Here I am walking around campus with this little blue cell-phone-ish thing in my hand making noise enough to attract the attention of everyone I passed. Finally I got through to Minimed and I'm pretty sure the guy on the other end could hear my little car alarm because he knew what was going on and all I told him was that the buttons weren't working. He said that there was a malfunction and that I would need to have a new pump sent out.

The only emergency that might have been an emergency today was that when the pump is alarming like that it suspends itself which means it won't give me any insulin. Luckily a year ago I was taking a Science class and wanted my pumps to use as a visual aide for a presentation. My most recent old pump is still functional and uses all the same stuff as my current pump. I put in a new battery, and got it all powered up. What I'm most proud of is I did all of this before I called Mommy. After twenty years with Diabetes I'm dealing with my own disasters. :) Which wasn't even a disaster. Tomorrow a nice UPS man or lady will come with a new blue pump for me that should last until they come out with something new.

I also found out that I really like my current doctor. I called him this morning to let him know about what had happened. I had to leave a message, and he called me back not just once but twice until he caught me. I'm pretty sure that the second time he called was after office hours. How nice.

Day 6

2010-07-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

- 366
- 98
- 260

Daily Average: 241

Not bad. Missed a number.

Day 5

2010-07-13T21:04:00.000-07:00

Time to change my set.

-212
- 260
- 369

Daily Average: 280

Missed a number today. :( I'll try again tomorrow... :P

Day 4

2010-07-12T22:01:00.000-07:00

Ugh. I did terrible today. I just don't think I had enough insulin for the junk I ate. I didn't feel like cooking so instead I ate things I didn't have to cook which ended up being things with a lot of carbs. And lets not even discuss the calories, not that I really need to worry about those affecting my diabetes. But still. Ugh. It's been a Monday, to say the least. So here are my numbers...

- 147 The day started out promising...
- 465
- 369
- 368

Daily Average:337

If tomorrow's average doesn't look better I'll change my set just to make sure the problems aren't things that are easy fixes. Tomorrow is a new day. I have a quote on my wall that says "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow"." So I will have courage and try again tomorrow. What's nice is that usually I get to start the day with a "clean" blood sugar. Something that is below 180 so I have a clean slate to start with. We'll see.

Day 3

2010-07-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

Not terrible. Could have been better.
- 183
- 282
- ... I can't remember. I'll give a daily average tomorrow when I check what this number was. I did test, I just didn't write it down.
- 316

I won't write much tonight because I have classes in the morning. Today I forgot to test at noonish because we were running late for church. But I didn't go low at church which is always a good thing. I also noticed that I could feel the 316 tonight. I like when I can feel the 300s because it means my body isn't entirely used to being that high. It makes me feel like I'm making progress.

Day 2

2010-07-10T23:28:00.000-07:00

Today's been interesting. My numbers are still higher than I want.

- 234
- 286
- 343
- 331

Daily Average: 298.5

Weekends always seem to be harder. It's frustrating to test when I'm supposed to and have the numbers be off. Usually it's because I missed one little something that I should have Insulin for, and even though I know why it's still frustrating.

Tomorrow will be a new day.

Day 1

2010-07-09T22:10:00.000-07:00

Not so good for my first day, but when you're starting over again the first day is hardly ever particularly good. The numbers for today were:

- 7am 147
- 2pm 342
- 8pm 321
- 11pm 219

Daily Average: 257.25

No pink tab for me today. But the numbers could have been worse. After all the junk I ate today I'm surprised that they weren't higher. Hopefully it won't take too long for me to get my averages back down to the 180s.

I'm really grateful that I have a pump. In a diabetes chat room I heard about someone else who is still on a pen. I probably should learn how to give myself shots in case of emergencies. Just think. In today's world of technological advances I can give myself insulin by pressing a button whereas 80 years ago Diabetes was a death sentence.

Did you know that pizza actually takes longer to digest in your system? Normally when I have a bolus for a meal I have the entire bolus in one go. With pizza I do what's called a dual wave bolus. I spread the insulin out over a half an hour usually. It's very interesting.

For anyone reading, thank you for your support. :)

Something New

2010-07-09T14:38:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've written.

As it gets close to time to go back home I'm realizing that once again I've slacked on taking care of my diabetes. There was a month or so while I was home that I had perfect blood sugars. The best blood sugars I've had since a long time ago, before puberty when my mom was doing everything for me. It was hard work, but I felt really good. Everything went well until I stopped doing the work and now that month of hard work has been overshadowed by about two, maybe three months of really poor work on my part. Something has to change. I've had diabetes for almost twenty years and my blood sugars are still "out of control".

I have a plan. It's the same plan I had back in that month that I did really well. Only this time I want to write about it.

I have a planner. Planners and myself have never been the best of friends but I've decided that it's time we got over our differences and worked with each other. That month that I had really good blood sugars I wrote down EVERYTHING. I kept track of my daily and weekly blood sugar averages and if the average was ever below 180, which is where I want it, I got to put a little pink tab on it. It's amazing what rewards you can give yourself when you're easily amused. A little colored piece of sticky paper was all I needed. I want to be testing 4-5 times a day. Once when I wake up in the morning, once about noon, once between 5 and 7, and once when I go to bed. The fifth test is if I have any lows during a day.

So here's how I'm going to write about it. I'm going to not only keep track of my numbers in my planner, but also write them down here, so that anyone who is interested can see them. I'm hoping that this will also give the me the extra push to do this daily.

If you are interested, there are some vocab words you'll need to know.

A1c - the fancy name of this is a glycosylated hemoglobin test. Basically its the average blood sugar a person has over a three month period. Mine has been at or above nine since I was nine. This means my average blood sugar since I was nine has been somewhere around 250, probably higher. A person without diabetes would have an A1c between 4 and 6. Most diabetics are happy if there's is 7. 7 is my ultimate goal but I'd be happy just to get it down to an 8.

Basal Rate - I'm on an insulin pump which gives me the option of having a steady amount of insulin being pumped into my body. It's similar to an IV. Right now I'm getting (throughout the day) between 24 and 33 units of insulin.

Good blood sugar - I had a doctor once tell me there were no good and bad blood sugars. I think there are. To me my blood sugar is good if it is below 180 and above 90. Bad blood sugars are everything else.

I can't think of what other words I might use from the language of Diabetes. If you're interested and at some point I use a word you don't know, just ask. I'm more than happy to explain.

My plan for writing about all of this is to write every night and post the four or five blood sugars for the day, plus any insights, or rants, or explanations I feel like for that day.

Thanks for reading!

DANCE!

2010-04-24T19:46:00.000-07:00

Dance has always been a passion of mine. I fell in love with Swing when I was fourteen and for the past five years I’ve been expanding my limited dance knowledge little by little. Finally, this semester I was able to register for Social Dance, the prerequisite for all other ballroom dance classes. The class is designed to teach four basic dances that will allow you to successfully get through any dance anywhere. We start with the basics and work up until we have enough knowledge to be “impressive”. On Thursday my Social Dance class began learning the Foxtrot. We learned a basic travel step, a turn, a promenade, and a variation of the promenade.
What is there not to love about dancing? It’s exercise. Dancing with the Stars? They all lose weight. It makes you feel graceful. The clumsiest person ever could learn to control her body while dancing. It just inspires happiness. If you can walk, you can dance. So dance! :) If you don’t know how… I’ll teach you.

I have a new goal. I want to update my blog more often.

U of O and the Difference Between Good and Better

2010-01-22T23:31:00.000-08:00

I have two thoughts tonight.

When I applied for Brigham Young University - Idaho I knew it was the only place I wanted to go. An LDS school on a small campus, and not in Utah. After being there for three semesters I have an incredibly high opinion of the school. The Spirit is very strong everywhere on campus. Everything is all I want in my education so far. After the Rose Bowl, however, I'm realizing that there is one part of college I'm missing out on. Football. I never thought I'd miss it. BYU-I does have a few football teams, but nothing big. I have a hard time believing the stadium has ever been completely full except maybe for Freshman Orientation on occasion. It's one small part of college I'm missing out on. It'd be nice to have a team to root for and get excited for.

I'm hoping, however, to end up at either BYU-Provo (I'm praying that that's not where I go), or U of O to get my Masters degree in Education after I finish in Idaho. Then I'll go to as many of the games as I can afford.

My second thought tonight is something I randomly thought of on the way home from work tonight. I think there's a difference bettween a good worker and a "better" worker. A good worker presses the proper buttons on the computer and fills the orders like a grocery list. A "better" worker takes the order while packing it, knows what a number 2 (a barbeque sandwich combo with a side and a drink), and a number 10 ( a big box meal with your choice of a thigh or a leg, two sides, a crispy strip, an individual popcorn chicken, a biscuit, and a large drink) off the top of their head, and makes sure the customer leaves happy, or at least won't call the store because of a miss packed order. Maybe the "better" worker has just been in the business too long. I'm grateful for my position at KFC. They're paying my way through college. The best way to repay them is to do my job to the best of my ability.

2010-01-21T21:15:00.000-08:00

I love days like today. Usually these are the rare days that come between the rain in the fall and spring. At least here in Eugene. But today it was a gorgeous January day. The day started out really well anyway, but then I walked out the door and to my surprise…

I was disappointed to have to be at work while the sun was out. I would have loved to have been out with my camera and tripod working with the fluffy clouds in the sky. They made a beautiful backdrop for the sunset that came between 4:30 and 5:30. I didn’t get home fast enough to get good pictures of the sunset but, …

It was a great day. Even at work. Everyone seemed to be in a great mood. I love the rain with a passion, but today the sun was nice. I drove to work and back again with my country music blasting. I went to work with the window down even. It was beautiful. Heavenly Father loves us, and we are so lucky to have the world we live in.

2010-01-15T17:07:00.000-08:00

I’m not usually a morning person, but today I made an exception. I got up at 6:45 and got dressed, made myself a lunch, put my hair in a French braid, packed up my stuff and was ready to go an hour later. It was just a normal drive until we got further into the mountains. My heart started pounding when the snow appeared like the remnants of white linen shredded over the tops of the pine trees. A few minutes later we were there. Finally I’d be able to try this crazy sport that I knew absolutely nothing about, other than that it looked like a lot of fun. We pulled on snow pants and boots and grabbed our boards. I knew it was going to be a lot harder than it looked the minute I strapped just one foot onto the board. I was slipping and sliding all over the place. You should just know that Snow and I are in a love/hate relationship. I like looking at it, but every time we get together the snow thinks it’d be fun to try and assassinate me. Today I came prepared with two pound weights on my feet called snow boots. They made me feel like an astronaut. The minute I strapped into the board one foot wanted to go one way and the other foot was hanging on for dear life. I almost decided right then and there that I would never be able to do this and it was time to go home. Lucky for me I didn’t want to seem like a chicken and despite my better judgment screaming “no” I hopped along the ice to a hill. It was a little hill so we went up to the top and then I was told to strap my other foot on the board. “Oh my gosh. Kill me now”. After giving the people already on the hill a show, I finally was able to slide a few feet before I ended up right back on the ground. Talk about frustrating. After my second time down the little hill, a group of beginners came and took over my little hill. So we decided to head to the bigger beginner’s hill. My first run down the hill I hit the ground quite a few times, mostly because I sat down when I started going too fast. The second time down the hill I had a better feel for what I was doing and then just as I got towards the end I tried to stop. I managed to do the first part right, but somehow I got flipped around and hit the ice hard on my rear end, and hand. I have no idea how I ended up on my back facing the wrong direction down the hill. I sat up and went right back to the top of the hill. I continued like that for a few more runs down and then decided it was time for a break. My muscles were so tired. After lunch we walked around in the snow a little and took pictures. By the time we left I was wet and could tell I was going to be sore for the next few days. I’d had the best time and for some crazy reason I can’t wait to go back and try snowboarding again.

2010-01-09T23:08:00.000-08:00

Tonight my family and I went to a friend's wedding. It was really pretty. It was in a Catholic church downtown, and the reception was at Emerald Valley Resort (I think that's what it's called. I can't quite remember now) where we had my senior prom. It was neat to tell my family about the little details from prom. Where tables were set up, where we were dropped off and picked up, what the lighting was like and where the DJ was, where we took pictures.

The wedding reception was beautiful. Amber and I started talking about what our ideas for ours are. It was so fun to sit there with my sister and talk about these things. Sure we've talked about them before, but never really just the two of us. She's such a cutie. I love Amber so much. :)

The wedding also made me realize again the value of eternal marriages, and families. It makes me giddy. We have such a blessing in the Gospel.

2009-12-18T10:03:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of semesters all of my roommates and I have been talking about dogs, and what kind we want. I've become a fan of the little toy dogs. I think they're adorable and as long as you teach them not to bark they're not too much to handle. I never knew exactly what kind of dog it was I wanted, but I'd seen one once. I always described it as the dog with the paws, because I loved the way the paws look. The fur is a little longer and it makes them look like they're jumping and prancing around. This semester I finally figured out what kind of dog I think I want. It's called a Havanese

They're absolutely adorable. I've looked at some Youtube videos and I just think they're just so cute. I'm not allowed to have a dog in our apartment, and I'm really not ready to have one yet. I've started doing some research though. These little dogs usually grow to be about 8-11 inches tall and between 7 and 13 pounds when they're adults. They're playful and energetic, but cuddly and sweet too. There were some health warnings but they don't occur in every dog. They're a little expensive as well.

I'm twitterpated. Last night when we went to get pizza there just so happened to be a little Havanese dog in a car outside. There was a line so we got to watch it for awhile. It was just TOO cute. I am in love. I want one SO bad. When I graduate, many years from now, a cute little Havanese puppy will be a first edition to my house.

Sometimes I Pretend I'm a Dancer

2009-12-10T14:41:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a Modern Dance class this semester because the dance classes I really want to take all require a prerequisite that's always full. I've actually enjoyed Modern Dance very much. I want to have plenty of dance experience in case I end up working at a school that can't afford for me to hire a choreographer for a production.

I started thinking about this last semester when a good friend talked me into jumping into a Beginning Jazz class with her. I've found that I'm not fantastic at dance, but I get A's in the classes and I pick up on the choreography fairly quickly.

Today in Modern Dance we were getting ready for our final. We are all in groups and we have to choreograph a group dance to a hymn. My group picked Hark, the Herald Angels Sing in light of the Christmas season. We split it into eight counts to choreograph. It's turned out to be a very nice dance with a little bit of a modern twist. I'm excited about it.

I practiced today in my tiny little room trying to figure out exactly what the footwork is for some of the turns. Needless to say I ran into things a few times.

2009-12-04T23:22:00.000-08:00

I was so blessed to be cast in Pioneer Song this semester. It was a powerful experience for me, and an amazing opportunity to grow as an actress.

I've learned a lot about the pioneers and what kind of hardships the women who crossed the plains went through.

My name is Elizabeth Fuller, and fourteen years ago I fell in love with and married Jack Fuller. We have four children. The oldest, Michael, is thirteen and just like his father. The next oldest, Stephanie, is eleven. She's very grown up and is following me around like a little lady. She's a great help with the two younger ones. Jenni is six and following in Stephanie's footsteps. Erik is barely six months old.

Jack and I decided to go with the wagon train to Oregon because we wanted an adventure. We want our kids to know what it's like to work hard and make their own way in life. We've been told of the dangers that will face us on this journey, but we have faith that we will be able to make it.

We set out dreaming of Oregon, and the things we are told we will find in Oregon. Jack rides, or walks along with the oxen and the wagon, encouraging the animals to keep going. I walk along with the children, or ride in the back with Erik. The women on this journey are wonderful. I've made friends with a wonderful woman named Trudy. We talk all the time. Her husband has been helping Jack with the harnesses. The children are enjoying running along with the children. Just as long as they stay away from the river, I don't worry about them.

The Kansas Crossing went well. All of the wagons made it across without a problem. We came to the Big Blue Crossing and the river was much higher. The oxen had difficulties getting the wagons through the river. The Johnson wagon was the last wagon to cross and tipped on the way. A chest filled with Mrs. Johnson's china fell into the river. Jacob Johnson jumped into the river with Jason, Sarah's wife to save the chest. They almost had the chest but suddenly both of the men and the chest were sucked into a whirlpool. Jason managed to swim out but Jacob... Minutes passed and Jacob didn't come up. His wife screamed. After such a wonderful beginning, this journey doesn't seem so wonderful anymore. That could have been anyone's husband. It could have been Jack! What if I lose him? I can't make it in Oregon by myself. Certainly not with our four children. We have to move on but there has been a layer of fear over the entire camp.

The forests are being left behind. The days are getting hotter and we are trudging on. Fort Kearney is coming soon and we are all hoping for a respite from this dreary plain.

We push on to Independence Rock. Fort Kearney was a great disappointment. We are hoping for a different scene at Independence Rock. It is our symbol of freedom and hope. It's the halfway point.

Independence Rock was everything we hoped it would be. Trudy and I scratched our name into the sides so that no one will forget that we weren't afraid to try something new. We continue on past Chimney Rock, Fallon's Bluff, and Devil's Gate. Many families have been split apart at different points. Some going on to Salt Lake City. There is some talk of families going to California to find gold and an easy life.

Jack, of all people, suggested that we should think about going to California to "strike it rich". After our dream of going to Oregon to teach our children the joy of building your own life. I can hardly think that California will be that dream. I am hoping he will reconsider. I refuse to put my children through that journey. We will stop in Oregon and either Jack will change his mind, or I will figure out a way to get to Oregon without him. Trudy's husband has brought it up to her as well, but she's talked him out of it. I hope Jack will not set his sights on California.

Jack did change his mind and we have moved on. The cholera is coming and I am so worried about my family. Jack, and little Erik are so tired and I'm afraid they will catch it. I don't know how to prevent it.

The cholera has stopped our camp. We cannot stop long because if we stop for too long, winter will come before we are ready. I'm so worried. Jack passed out yesterday by the river. I went looking for him and found him near the river. Some of the men helped bring him back up to the bed in the back of the wagon. He has a fever, and I'm so afraid. These are the symptoms others are having before they are struck down by the cholera. He woke up for about an hour a little while ago. He was so calm, and I was scared. He told me to leave. I had to keep going with or without him. I don't know what I'll do. I'm so scared to lose him. I can't be without him. He's my strength. Without him... I can't get to Oregon. I won't be able to make it. After telling me to go on to Oregon, he told me I had to leave the tent he's in so I wouldn't catch whatever he has. He called Trudy and she made me leave. I can't go on, but she is helping me. The children are all fine, so far. I will have faith. God cannot forget that we are here. Faith is the only hope any of us have left out here.

My husband has recovered but there has been so much loss. There is so much mourning and still we have to go on. We comfort each other and do what we can for those who have lost parents, husbands, and wives. We walk on as in a trance. Jack is still taking it easy. I can't help but to feel guilty because I haven't lost my family. Trudy and I are reaching out the best we can. She is a wonderful support to me.

Finally we have reached Oregon. It is beautiful. I can't believe my eyes. Everywhere I turn is green. We still have a few days before we reach the Willamette Valley where we'll claim land to farm. Even those who have lost so much on this journey are feeling their spirits lifted. This truly is the promised land. We've made it. We are safe.

That is my character's story. Elizabeth Fuller is not a real woman, but I love her for who she represents. She represents a real woman who's story maybe we don't hear all the time. Funny as it sounds, she has taught me more about who I want to be. Again I am grateful to have been cast in this original musical.

2009-11-22T18:53:00.001-08:00

For the beauty of the earth,
For the beauty of the skies
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies
Lord of all to thee we raise
This our hymn of grateful praise

For the beauty of each hour
Of the day and of the night
Hill and vale, and tree and flow’r
Sun and moon and stars of light
Lord of all to thee we raise
This our hymn of grateful praise

For the joy of human love,
Brother, sister, parent, child,
Friends on earth and friends above
For all gentle thoughts and mild
Lord of all to thee we raise
This our hymn of grateful praise.

Decorations, Love, and Guitars

2008-12-19T22:49:00.000-08:00

We decorated our Christmas tree tonight. It's kind of neat. This year rather than put up all the decorations we've been putting up forever, we decided to have a theme tree with blue and white glass balls and plastic icicles and snow flakes. To top it off we have an LCD lit star that flashes blue and white and of course the usual multi-colored lights we put up every year. It's so pretty. I'm so happy to be home.

A friend today asked me what love was. I told her my definition but realized later that really I have no idea. LOL my definition is when you care more about someone else's happiness more than your own. I guess I could sort of understand that. I think I've decided that love is one of those things that Heavenly Father gives us that just doesn't have a definition. Sort of like the sound of moving water, the taste of your favorite meal, or the way happiness feels. There isn't one definition that fits for every person. It made me smile.

I'm learning to play guitar. I'm so excited. Another friend asked me why and I told him I wanted to be able to be my own accompanist. I can't wait to be able to play well enough to play while I sing. We'll see. Now I'm just working on getting my own good guitar. I have friends both here and in Idaho who've offered to help me find a good deal on a good guitar. We'll see what happens but I'm very very excited.

Now I'm watching Terminal with my wonderful family and then I'll be off to bed so i can get some sleep before the party tomorrow.

It's A Wonderful Life

2008-12-18T00:14:00.000-08:00

This is kind of a sequel to the post I wrote last night.

Once I told a very good friend that I was so happy I felt I could fly. He looked at me funny and said "please don't try". I waved my hands at him and laughed. Of course I couldn't have flown without being inside the body of a plane but that was the way I felt. I've noticed that usually that kind of happiness for me is the happiness that comes when I am feeling the Spirit.

I started feeling that way again today after going to see It's A Wonderful Life with my family in the Regal Cinema. We usually see that movie every year about this time but seeing it in the theaters tonight made it feel like I was seeing it for the first time, and actually getting it. There is a line at the end that i really love. "Remember, no man is a failure who has friends". I love that line. It's really wonderful. I love that idea. It's also talked about throughout the movie when different characters say that the most rich are those without a lot of money. On the way home me and Mommy were talking about how that movie makes us think. One of the things that I love is that it's one of those movies that when you leave the theater you try and stand a little taller and be a little better. You leave wanting to make that kind of difference in people's lives.

(To tie into my previous blog) The movie also caused me to look again at the many blessings there are in my life and I'm so glad. I just can't believe that I lose sight of it again and again. I guess that's the way life goes. I'm grateful for it anyway. When you see your blessings again they mean so much more to you. :) I love feeling this way.

Good Books and Gratitude

2008-12-16T23:26:00.002-08:00

Have you ever been reading a book and all of a sudden you find you are relating almost exactly to one of the characters or another? For me it’s what makes a good book great, even when you realize that the piece of your life you are relating to something the author felt needed to be in print is a sad part of your life. What I love is when the author takes something she doesn’t realize you are feeling as well and puts it into the most elegant words. Words you’ve been searching for to describe it all. I’m reading First Day by an LDS author named Allyson Braithwaite Condie. This is the sequel to Yearbook. The first book is staged in High School and this one is in college. I’m not even halfway through and already I can tell I’m going to like it. (Granted I already have a very good idea of what’s going to happen.) There were a few paragraphs that I just loved and wanted to put in my blog tonight.

This first one I liked just because I’ve thought this way before. “Everyone walked around with the scars of their own trials and did the best they could most of the time. You had to remember that when you talked to people and tried to offer the gospel or you’d forget the whole spirit of compassion the Savior showed in His ministry. Some days you rose above it all and some days you just put one foot in front of the other and tried to keep your chin up and do what you were supposed to.” Although I would add a more positive note to the end of that paragraph. A positive note I think that in time the author will put in herself. In my experience (limited as it may be), the compassion mentioned is the key to keeping your head above water. When you feel like everything is overwhelming you and you are drowning in the trials that have been thrown your direction, compassionate service and following the Savior’s example are the best cure. I think it was in the Ensign recently, maybe a conference talk, that said something about how the dial of sorrow must point to each of us in turn at one point or another. We are blessed to have the gospel in our lives. A sure testimony that the Savior loves and cares for each of us is one of the greatest blessings when trials come our way.

The second paragraph that I just loved is something I noticed in Rexburg and again when the snow and ice decided to follow me home. “Looking at the landscape in front of me, I was surprised at how beautiful it was, even though it was painted mainly in shades of black and white and grey. It’s amazing what He can do with even a limited palette.” The world is incredible, isn’t it? I love taking pictures and my favorite thing is to get right into the face of a flower or a tree or even a rock. If you’ve never looked at the designs and texture on a rock, I encourage you to walk out to your garden, pick one up and just look at it. I mean it may not be a blooming rose or a rainbow sunset but it’s beautiful just the same. When I’m feeling sorry for myself I go out and find somewhere to sit and to be and to just look at everything. It’s truly remarkable.

When I started writing this blog I half expected it to be a “poor-baby-me” blog. That’s a little how I’m feeling tonight. But I think instead I want this blog to be a reminder to me of everything good I have in this world right now. I am home safe and sound, which is more than I can say for a few of my friends from college who are still being delayed because winter decided it was time to shake things up a bit. I have good friends who love me and care about me even though they might be a few states away. I have such an incredible family. They make me smile and laugh just thinking of them. There isn’t anyone on the face of this Earth I could possibly love more than I love my family. I have a car, I have presents to give to those I love, I have friends who are serving missions; serving the Lord, I have friends and brothers who want to serve missions. I can see, I can hear, I can sing, I can understand music, I can care, I can love, I can do SO MUCH! My life seems almost perfect when you can compare it to some and yet I can still find reasons to complain.

As I close this blog I hope you all will take a little time to look at your own lives and see the tiny ways the Lord directs your lives. Be grateful for the things you have, and even the trials that have been sent your way. They change you and make you who you are. Don’t wait for things to happen. Enjoy life now. I love you all. Good night.

2008-12-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

The weather man was sort of right. It snowed on Sunday night and stuck. It was very surprising. I didn't look out the window when I got out of bed and when I opened the door on my way out what a surprise met my eyes.

And it was still coming down. I ran back inside and grabbed my scarf which I'd decided not to wear and left for class. Later that day Jaelyn and I (;-) went and took pictures of all the buildings around campus and some of the pretty winter scenes that we saw.

It was FREEZING! By the time we got home our fingers were numb and we decided to have hot chocolate. While Jaelyn and I were in Portland with our neighbor Shelley, we stopped at Starbucks (I was very excited LOL) and got caramel hot chocolate. It was SO good. Mommy and Amber were joking that they put something in it, but it was delicious. Ever since we've made our hot chocolate here at home with caramel ice cream sauce and milk. It's very good. And a nice way to warm up after a snow day.

Today the ice has been a little scary and I've slipped a few times. Luckily I haven't actually fallen yet and I've taken to sticking to the cleared side walks where there's less black ice and the chance that I'll break something is much less. :P

There are three more days until I actually leave. I'm travelling all day Saturday by myself. Yikes. I'm a little nervous but excited at the same time. OOoo I also get to sell back my math book tomorrow. Yah for a little extra money. It'll be nice. I can't wait to get home and I'm really hoping that I can find a job. So far I'm still planning on working at JCPenney's photo studio but with the economy I hear getting a job right now is very very difficult. Although I dread having to go back, I'm glad that I've made good friends with my KFC manager. He told me I'd always have a job there so if worst comes to worse I will have a job. Yuck. :)

Well it's back to work for me. Have a great rest of the day everyone!

The Chistmas Spirit

2008-12-07T21:46:00.000-08:00

I really enjoyed the First Presidency Devotional tonight. In fact church in general was really really good. The testimonies during Sacrament were very good. I had a hard time paying attention during Gospel Doctrine but the lesson was good, and Relief Society was good. The ladies here are just amazing. They shine like no other. I just can't believe it. I'm going to miss the Spirit here so so much. I'm also going to be missing my FHE brothers. They're neat.

Aww... but I'll be back in four months.

One other thing. I've been having an inspiration to bring a couple Book of Mormons with me on my way back to Eugene. Which is weird because I'm flying from Salt Lake. But I'm going to if I have to buy the books myself. I will have them. The only thing I'm worried about is I haven't talked about the Gospel in a few months. I'm afraid I'll be a little out of practice. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that even at a LDS college I haven't even been up to bear my testimony in a while.

I know it's not quite the same thing but I decided that for practice I'd just write it out here too.

I know that the Savior lives. I know with all of my heart that the Savior loves me and really cares about my life. I have a strong testimony of the power of prayer. I know that I can pray to Him for everything. I know that families can be together forever through the power of the priesthood. I know that someday I can be sealed together with my husband for time and all eternity and that my children will be mine forever. I know that there is a Prophet who guides the church today. I know that Joseph Smith restored the true gospel to the Earth. I know that the scriptures are true and that the Book of Mormon is the word of God.

I definately feel a little out of practice.

Anyway... today I took some group shots for Audrey and her roommates down at the railroad. Next time I take someone Senior pictures I'm going to suggest we do them down by the railroad. It's BEAUTIFUL!

One of the girls I was taking pictures tonight was engaged and they were just SO cute that I took a few extra shots.

The sunset tonight was GORGEOUS!! I wish it hadn't been so cold and I hadn't had so much to do. I would have loved to have just taken more pictures tonight.

White Glove Inspection

2008-12-06T11:16:00.000-08:00

We just got done being checked and we passed with flying colors. We were the very last apartment checked and I think our inspectors were a little tired and we'd done a very good job. I think actually we over cleaned just a little. Jaelyn and I were doing the kitchen and our bedrooms. We started at 11 last night (I had no idea it would take so long) and we finished at 9 this morning. We cleaned EVERYTHING! By 4am we decided we should work on our room and worked on that until 6:30 when we were both just so tired that we couldn't function.

I am so happy to be done. I did things last night that I had no idea I could do. Like clean an oven and move a refrigerator all by myself. Although I'm very very sleepy I feel really good about the job we did. That was one of the bigger things I was worried about this last week and now it's over.

There was something else I was going to write about, but I have completely forgotten. :) It is 12:33 here and I am saying goodnight all! :)

2008-12-05T11:53:00.000-08:00

There is still no snow here. We've had snow stick twice but two days later there were no traces of it left. Everyone was expecting there to be inches of snow on the ground a month ago. Crazy. Itscold enough to snow, there's just no rain coming down yet. The weather man says it's supposed to snow Monday night but he's said that for every Monday since half way through November so I don't know if I trust his predictions. This same weather man also says that it's supposed to snow on guess what day. Saturday December 13th. In Salt Lake. I leave here at 7:30 in the morning to take a shuttle to Salt Lake and get there at about 12:40. My flight then leaves at 4. I really hope that they don't delay flights or something because my crazy weather man decided to predict snow and be right.

Tomorrow is our white glove inspection. Wow. I've never done a white glove cleaning before. Me and Jaelyn are in charge of the kitchen. Who knew there would be SO much to clean in a place that if you just walked in and saw it looks relatively clean. Wow. I really like cleaning the kitchen though so that's okay. Also. In the bedrooms we have to dust underneath our mattresses. It's going to be an adventure.

Teddy Bears and Time

2008-12-03T15:46:00.000-08:00

I realized today that I have a Teddy Bear collection.

I think the names are too small to read but there is Elder Jonathan (his clothes are being washed which is why he just has a tie) Kodak, Taz, Flurry, and Mr. Giggles. The bear from New York is the newest member of my little teddy bear family and I haven't thought up a name for him yet. The pictures of Mr. Giggles and Flurry aren't really what they look like. I didn't bring them with me so I edited in pictures that sort of resemble what they look like. Anyway, I was very interested to find that out today. I didn't realize I was collecting them the way I am.

Today's been a very good day despite failing one of my last Science tests. I think I'm going to have to retake that class. That's okay though. I was talking to Jaelyn and if I take it next semester we'll be taking it together which might motivate me to study a little harder. That and yesterday we had a very nice devotional about Foundations classes and why they're important. I'd never thought of them like that. I was just "getting through" them so I could hurry up and move on to my major but they make up 1/3 of my education and they're at BYU-I because the Lord wants the students here to be well rounded disciples of Christ having decent education in all areas. Doctrine and Covenants 88:80 says "That ye may be prepared in all things when I shall send you again to magnify the calling whereunto I have called you, and the mission which I have commissioned you." That's why we have foundations. Another interesting thing that we've talked about in my GS 111 class (which is another class I HIGHLY recommend for anyone attending BYU-I) is that some day my kids are going to want to know how they memorize stuff or need help with matrices, or who knows what and as a High School Theater Director without foundations I would have no clue how to help them. So these Foundation classes are important for me to take as a mom too.

Well I'm halfway through my second to last week of my first semester at college. I DID IT! I'm not passing all of my classes and I could have done better but I can't change that now and next semester will be very different. I'm so excited. Claudia (one of my other roommates) and I were talking and became overwhelmed by that little fact. It's still weird to be here and know that this is what I dreamed of four or five years ago when I first started seriously thinking about going to college. How incredible is that? I turn nineteen in about 5 months. Wow.....

Okay. Now I'm going to get plastic storage boxes so I can start packing up the stuff I'm not taking back to Oregon. Enjoy everyone.

2008-12-02T15:19:00.000-08:00

Today I was working on an assignment for Humanities that I particularly enjoyed. I took Humanities The Heroic Journey. It's been a favorite class so far and continues to be. I have an assignment due on Friday called "The Odyssey Soundtrack". I know it sounds kind of silly but for me it was tons of fun. We had to come up with five pieces of music to accompany things that happened in The Odyssey which we read earlier this semester. One of the songs I picked was Samuel Hazo's Olympiada. If you've never listened to Sam Hazo's music I highly recommend it. He has a certain style in the way he composes. Everything is very dramatic and each song tells a different story which is why I love his music. When I went to WIBC in 2007 we got to play Bridges in my band (I think). It was a lot of fun and he really is a FANTASTIC musician.

Samuel Hazo's music reminds me why I've kept playing all these years. It's not exactly because I particularly love the Clarinet or because I'm the most fantastic player. I've kept up with it because when you play with a good group you get to create the kind of emotion I hear in Samuel Hazo's music. It's amazing. I got fed up this semester with my Clarinet because of how difficult I found private lessons to be and I've seriously considered dropping it but if I can get into good groups like the ones capable of playing Hazo's music I will happily keep playing.

So that's my rant for today. Enjoy the blog and be sure to look up some of Hazo's music.

2008-12-01T21:33:00.001-08:00

This week just keeps getting crazier. Whew. I think they make the final two weeks of the semester extra difficult. :P Oh well. I can handle it.

Tomorrow is my final Clarinet recital. I'm very excited for it. Then I'll be done with music classes until I decide to take another one. I got to play in the recital hall for our final rehearsal tonight. I'm going to take my Clarinet and play there before I leave and make a recording of it. It sounds WONDERFUL in there. Wow.

And now I'm talking on the phone to Nathan on the phone so I'm gonna post this blog.

Traveling

2008-11-30T20:23:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad that when I come home for real in two weeks I'm flying. I didn't mind the drive too much but sitting in a car for twelve hours hurts. I got home and my legs felt so weak. It was not fun. Ugh.
One thing I like about Idaho highways are that the speed limit is 75 which means 80 is only five miles over the speed limit and is actually the flow of traffic. It's kind of fun to drive that fast and know you really are going with the flow of traffic. What's scary is when people pass you in the fast lane and you know they're going at least 90.
I also thought it was neat that in the past week or so I've been on the road for a little more than 24 hours and not once did I see an accident or was in an accident. I know that the Lord blessed me on the trip to and from Eugene.

ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS!! YAH!!

Finals...

2008-11-29T20:17:00.000-08:00

Why do teachers have to give finals? Can't they just give us the last test and that be good enough. :P I'm really dreading the two cumulative finals I have to take. I guess I shouldn't complain. It could be a LOT worse. This is my to-do list for the next two weeks before I get to go home for three months.

- Science exam 7 on monday
- Quartet rehearsal on Monday
- Quartet recital on Tuesday
- Final cumulative Math exam
- Final cumulative Science exam
- 3 more small tests and quizzes for American Foundations
- a final debate to prepare for for AF
- a ward social
- a white glove inspection
- packing some things into suitcases to be put on a plane and some into plastic boxes to be put in storage
- finding where the storage unit is and someone to drive me and the three girls I'm sharing with there

I'm pretty sure there's more but I can't think of it at the moment. Yikes. I'm kind of glad these next two weeks will be busy because that means they'll pass a little more quickly. I hope so at least.

I can't wait to be home for a few months. It'll be nice to get a job and have an income again. It's been sort of weird not working. I can't wait to not have to worry about how I'm going to get to the grocery store because it's cold and windy. Although the snow has only come a couple of times so far. I can't wait to hang out with all my old friends and to feel old again. I can't wait to not have classes and be able to do almost whatever I want. I think most of all I can't wait to not have to pay for my own laundry.

Anyway, I can't wait to be home for awhile.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T21:47:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to wish everyone a very very happy Thanksgiving. I hope everyone enjoyed time with family and friends. I know that I did.
I love this time of year. There is a little bit more happiness and gratitude in the world. While in Lake Oswego one of the teachers talked about how she'd returned from spending time in the Bahammas or something like that. She realized when she came back how incredibly blessed we are just to live in America. We really are. We can have jobs, we get hold an opinion about the things that happen in this country. We get to believe however we want. We get to be whoever we want. We live in an AMAZING place. I'm so grateful for my family and the gospel in my life. I'm so grateful for the school I get to attend. I love that I have a right to learn and that I have access to the best education possible. I love that I have friends serving missions and brothers who want to serve when they get old enough. I love that I have a warm too-small house that I share with my amazing family. I'm grateful that I have money enough to live on my own for a few months out of the year. I'm grateful that I have a tv and a computer. Life is just amazing and I'm so grateful to live in such an amazing place and to have the amazing things that I have.
I think that one of the things I am absolutely by far the most grateful for in my life is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and the testimony I have of the Savior. It's given me everything I have and I can never express how incredibly grateful I am for that.
Have an awesome rest of your weekend everyone.

2008-11-24T23:13:00.000-08:00

Roommates are amazing things.

Jaelyn is amazing. She's the first girlfriend I've had in a really long time. We laugh so much together and have decided that we'll be at each other's weddings one day. We have inside jokes and we just love hanging out. It's really neat to have a friend like that. She's becoming a lot like another sister to me. If she ever reads my blog I'd just like her to know how very grateful I am that we met our first semester. She is fast becoming one of my best friends.

Young Women and License Plates

2008-11-23T21:23:00.000-08:00

I have two thoughts today.

The first is for any young women who read my blog, and all of you amazing moms out there with young women. If you are in young womens this is for you, and if your daughter is in young womens this is a message from me to her. Today I went to a ward with the young women for the first time in three months. I know I'm really not at all that much older than they are, but today I felt a lot older. They all seemed so little. Maybe they were. Anyway, the point of my message for the young women out there is that you really do make a difference and that you have the Spirit with you. There is so much love between you. Remember always that you're a daughter of God even though in high school or maybe middle school people don't really seem to notice or care whether you're there. Being in college I've realized that high school is really only important for two things, your classes (I know. They're awful but they help more than you could ever imagine), and that you learn how to handle others. Life doesn't end with high school OR START WITH COLLEGE! Remember that you are ALWAYS loved. Your young women leaders love you, the young women themselves love you, I may not know you but I love you, your parents love you (even if they say you can't do stuff or ground you, seriously that is all because they love you VERY much). You don't know how many people you influence for the better just because you are there. YOU ARE INCREDIBLE!!!

My second thought is that I have never noticed license plates until now. I'm always looking for Oregon license plates and when I see one I smile and if someone's with me, I'll point it out. I have no idea why. Probably because I really miss home. I was talking to Jaelyn (my roommate) today about how I really hope Heavenly Father lets me stay in Oregon because I really do love it. But I guess if Heavenly Father decided to send me somewhere else it would be to make me happier or to give me an experience that will make me better.

So my thought for the day just got longer. I've changed so much I've noticed. I don't argue until I have the last word, I don't need to be liked by everyone, I don't need to be the best at everything. I think the biggest thing I've noticed (and this is sorta weird) but I don't flirt the way I used to. I don't know if that's good or bad but I think it's making my life a lot less complicated. I don't need to be someone I'm not to attract guys and I think that's what I've learned and that's where this flirting thing has changed. I don't know. I guess I'll find out.

So this is my thought for today. Oh hey one more thing is on Nathan's blog one time he was talking about picture for the day. I really like that idea. So I think on my blogs I'm always gonna have a picture.

Friendship

2008-11-23T00:16:00.000-08:00

Friendship is an amazing thing isn't it? I've been learning about the heroic journey in my Humanities class and the typical hero always picks up a friend. It's very interesting. This friend usually sticks with the hero until the very end. Not always but we won't focus on that. We all are the heros of our own life story. If someone made a story out of your life, guess who the main character would be? Along our own hero's journeys we pick up people who help us along on our way and ta da you have the supporting actors in your life. These are the friends you call up when something really neat amazing and exciting happens and when you're just feeling down and need something to cheer you up.
Friendship also makes me think of the talk that Elder Holland gave during the Saturday afternoon session of conference. About angels and how they walk among us. There have been SO many times when I've needed an angel in my life and Heavenly Father has sent me one of my best friends. Take the time to thank those who've spent the time to be your friend.
I definately thank all of my friends. You're all incredible people that I am so very blessed to have in my life.
That's my thought for today. And now I'm going to bed.

The Things I Miss

2008-11-21T18:30:00.000-08:00

So I've realized today that I miss the sound of real live rain. Here it mists and sometimes it actually rains but it never lasts very long. The only thing that I like here is that when it does actually rain it pours. Only for like five minutes but it does. I miss the rain immensley.

There are quite a few other things that I miss as well. Including my family. You never really appreciate your family until you leave home for a little while. I miss my house and my car. I miss my best friend, and a saxophone. I miss my brothers and sisters, I miss Mommy hugs and hugs from boys, and I'm just very ready to go home.

So I'm trying something new in this blog. I'm trying to figure out how to post pictures and my guess is you use a url generated from a site like photobucket or webshots or something like that. So we'll see. If not there are going to be some weird urls on this blog and I'll ask someone.

An Inspired Lunch

2008-11-21T14:56:00.000-08:00

Today I went to the MC for lunch and after I'd finished eating a lady came up and asked if she could leave her stuff at my table while she went and got her lunch. "Sure" I said. I was studying for a math exam I took a little bit ago (which I think I might have passed) and had my Pre-Cal book open on the table. When she came back we talked about our majors and I told her about my exam. She asked me what math I was in and if I could help her with some math problems of her own. She was in a lesser math and guess what she was studying! The one thing that I wasn't for sure on. It was so neat. I'm sure Heavenly Father inspired her to come ask me for help. It was amazing.

Now I'm going to the DI which is like good will sort of with Cody. We were talking about how I'd never been and so he's taking me. It should be fun.

I'll post again later probably!

Today's been the best day so far!!

Clarinets and College

2008-11-21T11:11:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone,

This is going to be a short post I think because I need to get on down to the Snow building for my last quartet rehearsal before Thanksgiving. I hope it goes well. We've been playing this piece for three months and some of the other girls are starting to really lose any enthusiasm we had for playing it. The teacher thinks we still have a lot to work on. Maybe she's right but I can only do so much. Oh well. Almost done. And then I just have finals and I'll be flying back home for a few months. I can't wait.

Amazingly, here in Idaho the snow hasn't come yet. It's cold outside and last night there were VERY strong winds at about 10pm. I can still hear the wind rattling around in the vent over the oven. I bet there's snow on the ground after Thanksgiving.

Oh and just to write it down, I had a dream about marching band last night. Bill let me come back and somehow I knew how to teach marching and different formations and stuff and we marched for a football game. There were a couple of Flute players who refused to do it because it was cold and were mad at me for making them do anything. And I remember we had like twenty bright ORANGE bass drums lined up in front. Everyone else was dressed in a blue uniform and we had a really good show besides the whiny flute players. ;) LOL anyway, just thought I'd share that interesting dream with you.